Song-maker, Heart-shaker

Loving Musicians, Closeted Lesbians, and Myself

What Rhymes With Butch
6 min readOct 11, 2023
Image by me ❤

When I remember my lovers, I remember them as half-dreams.

I’m lying in bed. For some reason, they’re doing a fully-clothed contemporary-style dance on the porn stream. The light in the room is blue, and for the thousandth time, I’m remembering not kissing her even once. LOVER seems always to appear in places where she is not. This particular moment makes me think of her because the color blue is not a free signifier.

Song-maker, heart-shaker, it was six years ago now.

Before our lives become fully entwined, LOVER writes a song about me and releases it on her SoundCloud like young artists do. Though I haven’t spoken to her in nearly ten months, I do then, complimenting the guitar and hinting that I recognize myself in her barely veiled metaphors. She speaks back with too many emojis and a very Capricorn humility that lulls me. Afterwards, we stop avoiding each other in the halls. She takes the chair behind me in the choir without complaint. As spring begins, we play Uno on the floor during a class break. I laugh at her jokes.

LOVER was much taller than me then. Her hair is naturally curly, and I remember the exact day that she cut it short. She wears glasses and rings on seven of her fingers, all of them silver just like…

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What Rhymes With Butch

Two butches go on and on. By Tris J Dávila and Lillian G Lippold.